bubba's egg hunt

he had an egg hunt at school! sweet boy has the best teachers and classmates this year! 

he was closing his eyes on purpose

little miss wanted a pic too. still rocking her fur vest! 

photo bomb!

sleepy heads

this one couldn't wait for nap time

bluebonnets

just a few pictures from our annual bluebonnet pics ;)

ready or not!

sweet pea is headed off to kinder next year! we went to orientation tonight and it feels so good to know she is prepared and ready. for those years we i spent thinking about sending her or doing transition, it's nice to know we make the right decision. while we were there she was very quiet and shy. i wasn't sure she liked it. but, when we got home she was chatting gigi's ear off about everything she did in the other room. giving her all the details that she hadn't shared with us. she's a smart one!

she is also so funny! afterwards, i asked her if she was excited and told her i didn't know what i was going to do all day when everyone was at school. she said, "now you can clean the house and not have your kids always making messes." this girl is wise beyond her years. 

a closed chapter

this blog started as a place for me to share my millions of pictures i took. then it started becoming a place where i write. i still love looking back and reading what my kids were doing at certain ages. and it is most definitely my saving grace when i am making their photo books two years after the fact. 

if you know me you know that i love nursing. i didn't plan on enjoying it. like every pregnancy and birth your baby has a story. and feeding your baby is no different. each of my kids ate the same thing but the way they ate was different. the first only nursed. forget a bottle. i didn't want to be that tied down. so the second realized he loved a bottle. turns out i didn't want to be married to a pump. so this time, knowing it was the last was going to be what it was. he nursed from the minute he was born. he was a great eater. he loved it and i felt like i was doing the right thing for him. i had always done parent led weaning with my older two because we wanted to try to have a baby and i just wanted my body back for atleast a month. but this time, i'd done some reading on baby led weaning. i thought i'd go ahead and wean him this summer. for sure before school started because that would be awkward, right? it was a saturday and i nursed him before his nap. our power went out and for the first time since he was a baby i heard him drinking in silence. no box fan blowing, no kids in the background, just him drinking milk. it's a sweet sound that's hard to forget. i had my phone and took a video. i will never delete it. the next day he got a cold and had difficulty eating and breathing and he gagged. he tried again and gagged again. no big deal i thought, we'll eat before bed. but bed time rolled around and he refused as if it was poison. i tried again and again. to him that was a traumatic. an experience he didn't want. he was confused and for weeks when we would normally nap he was inconsolable. i tried everything i could to get him to latch and it was over. just like that. we were going through growing pains together. i have been dumped by a boy, rejected from a job interview, i didn't make the team as a kid. but, nothing and i mean nothing could come close to the rejection i felt from him. my heart broke into a million pieces. i continued to pump thinking it's a strike and he'll come back. but, he never did. i will say goodbye to the pump next week forever and it's bittersweet. as crazy as it sounds i miss those middle of the night feedings. i still pick him up sometimes before i go to bed and just rock him. 

i thought a lot about sharing this. i realize how long we did make it and how many people wanted to go this long and couldn't. but, it still hurts. i will never nurse another baby in my life. i knew pregnancy would end, i knew i would never give birth again. i just never quite prepared my heart for those things that happen everyday but someday they won't. i read THIS post today and i realized just how thankful i am.